Saying No Matters.

Let’s talk about saying no.

Parents and teachers, are you struggling with defiance? Is it a challenge to get your children to do the things you tell them to? Are they constantly trying to negotiate things like what to eat for dinner, which clothes to wear, or when bedtime is? Always trying to play a bit longer before cleaning up?

If this is you, I’m here to say congratulations.
You’re raising an independent critical thinker.

I know, I know, it can be so frustrating. There are some things that can be negotiated and some things that just can’t, right?

We’ve got to get out of the house by 9:00 if we’re going to get there by 9:30!

No, you can’t just eat chips for dinner!

As important as these things might be, it’s absolutely necessary to step back and take a look at the things that are more (yes, more) important. When a child is allowed the opportunity to discuss, debate, and say no to things, they’re building the skills necessary for developing character traits that we tend to find much more valuable than the convenience of avoiding the debate.

Some of these traits off the top of my head:

…and the list can continue infinitely. If you think of more, please post them in the comments!

“But why does that matter?”

The point here is that we want to afford our children the opportunities to develop these important life skills. If our children are constantly being taught to do what they’re told, then where will they ever get the skills to think independently and respond appropriately when a reckless peer suggests they try drugs? Or to speak out against inequality? Or to be strong and grounded if faced with a predator or an abuser?

Look, as convenient as it may sometimes seem for us as adults, we don’t want our children learning blind obedience. I’d rather our children have the tools necessary for questioning authority, for being activists and changing the rules that need changing, and for saying no to peer pressure, predators, and injustice.

So, have that conversation. Have that debate. Give them your explanations, and listen equally to theirs. Give your children the opportunities to question, debate, think, understand, act autonomously, speak up, and be heard.

Let them say, “No.”